fore we even get started, let me just make my stance clear – I am not anti-pacifier!
Let’s be honest, how can any mother be completely anti-pacifier when this may be the only thing that saves your sanity during a wave of baby tears and emotions. Maybe your baby became a bit too overwhelmed while on a shopping trip, or they ended up a bit overtired and your new best friend, the pacifier, magically appeared and made things better.
Apart from preventing or calming a distraught baby, pacifiers have other benefits as well.
According to the AAP, pacifiers have been found to reduce the risk of SIDS as it makes it more difficult for a baby to lay face down and run into breathing issues. So, because of this huge benefit, this blog is aimed more at mom’s whose babies are one year old and up. If, however, your baby is younger than a year old and you’re considering weaning them off the pacifier, I ask that you please weigh up all the pro’s and con’s before heading down that road.
From my point of view as a certified pediatric sleep consultant, pacifiers can in some cases interfere with your child’s sleep. If your child has relied on the pacifier to fall asleep and stay asleep, often than not, they’ll be unable to self-soothe and would need the pacifier to be put back in almost every time it drops out.
Before we dive right into getting rid of the pacifier, we first need to understand why your child relies on it to get through the night without a meltdown.
Just as we go through various stages of sleep, so do babies.
Many people still believe that a sleep cycle is straightforward as starting off sleeping lightly at the start of the evening, diving deeper into sleep by the middle of the night and then transitioning to a lighter sleep as morning rolls around. The truth is, we go in and out of different stages of light and deep sleep throughout the night. For an average adult, a full stage or cycle would last anything between 90 and 120 minutes, while for a baby it is around 50-60 minutes.
When your child cannot get to sleep without their pacifier, then more often than not your baby is using it as a sleep prop. Now when they wake through the nights as adults do, they are unable to get back to sleep if they are not sucking on their pacifier. This is then the time that your baby usually awakes in search of their pacifier and ends up crying until someone comes to their rescue.
And this is the reason why your child cannot “sleep through the night”. When a child is reliant on a sleep prop, whether a pacifier or being rocked to sleep, they haven’t been taught the skills to self-soothe and fall back to sleep themselves. And if you’re ready to get your child to sleep well and independently, then getting rid of the sleep prop is the first step. And in this case, it’s getting rid of the pacifier.
If all of you struck a nerve and you truly believe this is what’s happening in your home, then allow me to offer you some helpful tips to navigate this chapter of your sleep journey.
For me, I believe that when you want to break any bad habit, cold turkey is the best option. For older children, they cope better with a clear idea where there aren’t any grey areas. I advise my clients to just choose a day, stick to it and let your child know what is happening. And lastly and most importantly, the pacifier needs to be thrown away to make it final.
Older children can do well when placed in new habits as long as we provide them with clarity, and we remain consistent. And I say consistent, I mean don’t store a backup pacifier for when you have an astronomical meltdown because this may seem like a saviour to you, but it’ll end up confusing your child and you’ll end up back at point A.
Alright, you’ve made the decision, you’ve explained the situation to your toddler, you’ve signed a mental contract with yourself that you’re not going to do it by half measures, and you’re ready to go all-in. What’s next?
So, you’re ready to execute your plan, everything is going according to plan, but how do you make this a positive for your child? Usually, older children go along with the idea that they’re “getting big” and when they can celebrate a milestone, things tend to be easier for everyone involved. You could present your child with a big kid diploma or something that would remind them of their achievement.
Another option I know many parents use is the idea of a “pacifier fairy” and this works well for some children. So, if this is something you’re comfortable with, you can exchange their pacifier for a special gift.
Another important issue I’d like to raise is the one where parents who have newborns give their older child’s pacifier to the new baby. While you are coming from a point of good intentions, it may cause your older child to resent the baby as they now have their pacifier. Best solution in this case is to rather dump the older child’s pacifier and get your newborn their own set.
Now you should prepare yourself with some resistance from your toddler. At least 99% of children will try to fight getting rid of the pacifier so my best advice is to be prepared to distract them or come armed with things they love, like a special treat. Let them know you understand how they feel and be of comfort to them, without bending over to their demands
Remember, stay consistent and ignore the urge to give them a pacifier “one last time”. Doing so will only make things worse and make this transition more difficult for everyone involved.
In closing, remember that your child is unique, and you know them best. So, use this as only a guideline along with your own motherly intuition and within a few days, you should be pacifier free, and your family should be welcoming happy, healthy sleep.